How to self-analyze as a creative.

More important than the gear you own, the connections you have, and all the clout you gain is the knowledge of self. In this life anyone can take everything you have. If left unattended things or people you keep in your corner get up and walk away. When social media shifts again and instagram is no longer the powerhouse it once was what will you have? How will you overcome obstacles that play directly against your weaknesses? If you do not know who you are and therefore are incapable of projecting yourself into the world you won’t.

I have become obsessed with discovering who I am. Armed with a basic understanding of my morals, values, and inner intuition, I have crusaded through the depths of my mind in search of my artistic preferences. For a lack of better wording: the shit that I fuck with heavily, the work that moves me, and like any great explorer I have charted new lands within myself. 

Soul music over pretty much anything else, cinematic storyline based music videos over glamorous set design, truthful yet dreamy literature over cold hard pessimism, and writing/directing films over literally anything life has to offer. I directed my first short film and through it I found bits and pieces of myself lying in every nook and corner of the piece. Titled Quicknutts the film was very much that. Even from a creative standpoint. 

Talking about doing something gets old, but I had been talking about shooting a short film for years. With 2020, already having been so monumental in my self-discovery, I vowed to shoot my first short film before the year's end.

The script came pouring out of me in less than a week. I rehearsed with actors for nearly ten days, before shooting, and made the entire six minute film in one day of shooting. I chose everything. Who would star in it, their outfits, their actions, the location, the crew we assembled, and through that self-selection I found more about myself than anything else. 

Monochrome cinematography is my favorite shooting style, I like workwear and stories about strong women taking control of their lives by any means necessary. 

Moving past the visual aspects of the film I found within myself my desire to work with people I love, the professionalism I prefer to abide by on set, and I was able to understand my own inner conflicts about the internet world we currently live in. 

When I shoot most of my music videos, I’ll be lucky to find myself mindfully present. So the grounding experience of creating something that one hundred percent came from the inner realms of my mind was a both liberating and self analysis type of experience. The best form of self analysis is to create for yourself.